JUST BE

I had some insomnia

I was feeling overwhelmed 

So I touched myself 

Not to “get off”

But to return to my Body

I hold and caress all that is between my thighs 

Playful and curious

Loving and accepting

Including all of me into the embracing

Tender inclusive touch of my hand 

Leaving no part behind

No emotion is abandoned

All of my fears

All of my anxieties

All of my uncertainties 

Scooped up 

Moved around

My manhood becomes sturdy

My manhood also softens

Like waves of emotions

Like arousal and crying

Like exhaling and sighing 

I grab my chest like it’s the bosom of a mother

Clasping also the breastplate of a warrior king

The tender tips of my chest spark

Inspiring new ways to caress myself below 

Sometimes I hold my neck

Choking and grasping 

My voice is kept in

My creativity is trapped 

So much fear

So I indulge my body more 

Inviting my Divine Whore

My God, My Christ 

Darkness and Light

Both complete me 

My Temple is my worship 

Returning to this Earth 

Back into this Body

No escapism. No running away.

Just stay and play.

Until I am back where I began 

A human.  A man. 

I release my seed

Life pumps out of me

Spilling sadness 

Spilling anger 

Spilling all that seems to matter

When at last there is just me

Just pleasure and He

There is She

There is We

A Holy Trinity

All in me

And at last I can just be

Just be 

Just be

Amen

When I wrote this poem, it reminded me of the prayers of tantric monks and nuns that I studied. When I divorced, I had a deep fear of sexuality.  I sensed this fear was embedded in my Christian faith.  When I re-examined the roots of my faith, I discovered sex and spirit were not always separated.   Historically, Judaism before the Deuteronomic Reform and Christianity before it was the official religion of the Roman Empire BOTH looked different!  They celebrated the ONENESS of sexuality and spirit. This was immortalized in their prayers, art, and traditions which were, ahem, TANTRIC.  Isn't that amazing?!  I always reduced Tantra as a way woo-woo celebrities like Sting had sex.  I was wrong.  Tantra is what made Christ Christ and I am not the only one who thinks this!  Celibate monks and nuns who understood this wrote prayers and poems rich with eroticism. They were RAVISHED with holiness!  It was like they were making love with God! Beautiful, yes? I’m not suggesting everyone should believe this.  I am only advocating that Christianity is broader and more mysterious than we expect.  If your heart and body feel hindered by theology, this historical perspective can be HEALING and OPENING.  In our Temples (bodies) is the power of God. How amazing, right?  God is IN us! Whoah! Union with our body is not sin — separation is! In fact, union with our body is so holy, so super-duper deeply holy, that it demands worshipful reverence!  This concept is what SHOULD drive abstinence and celibacy — reverence for holiness of sex, not the shaming of the sinfulness of sex.  Make sense? If you grew up in church like me, this concept is scary as hell. It caused me to clutch and tighten.  If that is your first reaction too, this is likely a trigger-response AND A CLUE that you are separated from your body.  This is not a bad thing.  This is an exciting starting point!  This means that there is MORE TO DISCOVER!  How amazing is that?!  There is MORE to God, MORE to Christ, and MORE to Yourself to experience!  Wow!  Returning to your body is a beautiful HOMECOMING as powerful and healing as accepting Christ.  I’ve experienced both and it’s so very true.  The result is a profound aliveness that is nothing short of REVIVAL. Hallelujah!  I call this teaching the GOSPEL OF THE BODY

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us”

John 1:14

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