JUST BE
I had some insomnia
I was feeling overwhelmed
So I touched myself
Not to “get off”
But to return to my Body
I hold and caress all that is between my thighs
Playful and curious
Loving and accepting
Including all of me into the embracing
Tender inclusive touch of my hand
Leaving no part behind
No emotion is abandoned
All of my fears
All of my anxieties
All of my uncertainties
Scooped up
Moved around
My manhood becomes sturdy
My manhood also softens
Like waves of emotions
Like arousal and crying
Like exhaling and sighing
I grab my chest like it’s the bosom of a mother
Clasping also the breastplate of a warrior king
The tender tips of my chest spark
Inspiring new ways to caress myself below
Sometimes I hold my neck
Choking and grasping
My voice is kept in
My creativity is trapped
So much fear
So I indulge my body more
Inviting my Divine Whore
My God, My Christ
Darkness and Light
Both complete me
My Temple is my worship
Returning to this Earth
Back into this Body
No escapism. No running away.
Just stay and play.
Until I am back where I began
A human. A man.
I release my seed
Life pumps out of me
Spilling sadness
Spilling anger
Spilling all that seems to matter
When at last there is just me
Just pleasure and He
There is She
There is We
A Holy Trinity
All in me
And at last I can just be
Just be
Just be
Amen
When I wrote this poem, it reminded me of the prayers of tantric monks and nuns that I studied. When I divorced, I had a deep fear of sexuality. I sensed this fear was embedded in my Christian faith. When I re-examined the roots of my faith, I discovered sex and spirit were not always separated. Historically, Judaism before the Deuteronomic Reform and Christianity before it was the official religion of the Roman Empire BOTH looked different! They celebrated the ONENESS of sexuality and spirit. This was immortalized in their prayers, art, and traditions which were, ahem, TANTRIC. Isn't that amazing?! I always reduced Tantra as a way woo-woo celebrities like Sting had sex. I was wrong. Tantra is what made Christ Christ and I am not the only one who thinks this! Celibate monks and nuns who understood this wrote prayers and poems rich with eroticism. They were RAVISHED with holiness! It was like they were making love with God! Beautiful, yes? I’m not suggesting everyone should believe this. I am only advocating that Christianity is broader and more mysterious than we expect. If your heart and body feel hindered by theology, this historical perspective can be HEALING and OPENING. In our Temples (bodies) is the power of God. How amazing, right? God is IN us! Whoah! Union with our body is not sin — separation is! In fact, union with our body is so holy, so super-duper deeply holy, that it demands worshipful reverence! This concept is what SHOULD drive abstinence and celibacy — reverence for holiness of sex, not the shaming of the sinfulness of sex. Make sense? If you grew up in church like me, this concept is scary as hell. It caused me to clutch and tighten. If that is your first reaction too, this is likely a trigger-response AND A CLUE that you are separated from your body. This is not a bad thing. This is an exciting starting point! This means that there is MORE TO DISCOVER! How amazing is that?! There is MORE to God, MORE to Christ, and MORE to Yourself to experience! Wow! Returning to your body is a beautiful HOMECOMING as powerful and healing as accepting Christ. I’ve experienced both and it’s so very true. The result is a profound aliveness that is nothing short of REVIVAL. Hallelujah! I call this teaching the GOSPEL OF THE BODY.
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us”
John 1:14